Katz too Blu......: She Art Workshop 2

Art Journal

I don't remember exactly how I got into the whole process of working in my art journal but I am so glad I found my way there! I have not missed a day since the 1st of November, doing something, if only to write about the day. I have written in a journal for years but they did not include any type of art.
I deal with depression, was diagnosed with bi-polar back in my early thirties and have been on meds ever since. This process that I enjoy so very much is the best kind of meds for me, I know it works. I can be down, not in a good space in my head and when I get to my desk and just do something to get the color flowing, I get so lost and involved in that page, I totally forget how I was feeling when I first sat down. Think the word is flow, to get so into the process you loose track of time. Some days I feel like I'm in a rut but I keep trying one thing or another until it just starts to happen. When things just flow out of your soul and it ends up on that pages.
This past weekend we had company and I was ask to share some of my work with them. I was surprised and shocked by my first reaction, I did not anticipate this feeling of being exposed. I have to say it was not an easy thing to do, I felt like they could almost see into me. As they sat and looked making comments about each page, I lost some of the fear, but I realized that they were getting to see some of the inside of me and I guess I was not sure how they would react to it. I have done some pages where if I am hurting I get it on paper, if I feel lost or feeling invisible to loved ones, I get it out. At the same time, they may have seen me with new eyes, seeing a side that they had never truly come to terms with or wanted to deal with at all. They saw how vulnerable I can get in my every day life. It is part of who I am, some people just don't want to accept that or have this fear of the unknown. My sweet, sweet daughter is one of the happiest people I know, she has the nic-name "Sunshine" from that beautiful smile on her face all the time. She does not want to discuss what it's like to be depressed, it's not that she has not had things in her life to deal with that were sad or depressing, she has, but she just does not deal with depression herself, thank goodness. She has a hard time dealing with me and my lows, it's like she gets impatient with me. Same with my husband, Johnny, he does not know how to help me, there fore he just wants to pretend it does not exists. I get it, they don't know how to fix it, nor do I, but that does not make it go away, it is my constant companion.
The day that I accepted there are no mistakes in art, was one of the best days!!!! I felt free, the fear of the white page was gone, it is a process. One where you keep at it, work thru the uglies, keep challenging yourself, keep learning new ways of adding color to a page.
I am currently taking about 6 or 7 classes, each one different from the other, I am learning so much about art and myself it is mind blowing! Who knows what tomorrow will bring, as long as I can work with color I will keep trying.

Saturday, November 12, 2011

She Art Workshop 2

I just signed up for the She Art Workshop 2 and I can't wait to get started, however I do need to finish She Art Workshop 1! I was a bit late getting into the first class and when I saw that the #2 class was starting and would not be available again until next year I went ahead and signed up for it. I need to concentrate on these two classes right now and put the other journals aside for a while.
I am learning so much about this mixed media, this has really been almost a life changing experience for me, I find myself thinking about it, seeing things in a new light, I feel now that I have a good reason to get out of bed in the morning and at night I have trouble walking away from it. LOL! Trust me this is a good thing for me. I have been so involved with it that I don't have time to feel whether I am depressed or not, I just want to work in these journals. Also I have discovered so many new artist out there, they each have their own style and technique, it's learning from the masters right here in the comfort of your own home. What is better than that.
I'm not one who has enjoyed the crop or the getting together with others to do any of this type of work, I have always preferred to work alone, hell I prefer to be alone................. period, who am I trying to kid? But for the past 6 weeks I have so enjoyed getting together with my sister and my niece to work for a few hours together, it's like our show and tell!!!! We have been meeting every other week, due to the distance between us, it is like an hour and half to get to where they live, I am the one who gets to travel the most, but that is fine, I'm one who loves to get in my little car and turn up the music and drive. Any way, I'm already looking forward to next week when I get to go up and see them, see their work, have a cup of joe and play some more.
Until next time, keep on keeping on!