Katz too Blu......: As The World Turns

Art Journal

I don't remember exactly how I got into the whole process of working in my art journal but I am so glad I found my way there! I have not missed a day since the 1st of November, doing something, if only to write about the day. I have written in a journal for years but they did not include any type of art.
I deal with depression, was diagnosed with bi-polar back in my early thirties and have been on meds ever since. This process that I enjoy so very much is the best kind of meds for me, I know it works. I can be down, not in a good space in my head and when I get to my desk and just do something to get the color flowing, I get so lost and involved in that page, I totally forget how I was feeling when I first sat down. Think the word is flow, to get so into the process you loose track of time. Some days I feel like I'm in a rut but I keep trying one thing or another until it just starts to happen. When things just flow out of your soul and it ends up on that pages.
This past weekend we had company and I was ask to share some of my work with them. I was surprised and shocked by my first reaction, I did not anticipate this feeling of being exposed. I have to say it was not an easy thing to do, I felt like they could almost see into me. As they sat and looked making comments about each page, I lost some of the fear, but I realized that they were getting to see some of the inside of me and I guess I was not sure how they would react to it. I have done some pages where if I am hurting I get it on paper, if I feel lost or feeling invisible to loved ones, I get it out. At the same time, they may have seen me with new eyes, seeing a side that they had never truly come to terms with or wanted to deal with at all. They saw how vulnerable I can get in my every day life. It is part of who I am, some people just don't want to accept that or have this fear of the unknown. My sweet, sweet daughter is one of the happiest people I know, she has the nic-name "Sunshine" from that beautiful smile on her face all the time. She does not want to discuss what it's like to be depressed, it's not that she has not had things in her life to deal with that were sad or depressing, she has, but she just does not deal with depression herself, thank goodness. She has a hard time dealing with me and my lows, it's like she gets impatient with me. Same with my husband, Johnny, he does not know how to help me, there fore he just wants to pretend it does not exists. I get it, they don't know how to fix it, nor do I, but that does not make it go away, it is my constant companion.
The day that I accepted there are no mistakes in art, was one of the best days!!!! I felt free, the fear of the white page was gone, it is a process. One where you keep at it, work thru the uglies, keep challenging yourself, keep learning new ways of adding color to a page.
I am currently taking about 6 or 7 classes, each one different from the other, I am learning so much about art and myself it is mind blowing! Who knows what tomorrow will bring, as long as I can work with color I will keep trying.

Wednesday, July 7, 2010

As The World Turns

I love "As The World Turns"! I have watched this soap opera since before I could walk and talk, you see my Momma watched it during the summer months when school was out. She was a school teacher, so by the time she got home from school the soap was over. There were not vcrs then either. Funny how with only three months of the year to watch, she was able to keep up with the Hughes family. The show started around the time I was born, so I feel as if some of these characters are family. We ate lunch to this soap, when I hear the music I know it is lunch time. Through the years the time has changed which has put my lunch time later and later, but I still have lunch with those wonderful people of Oak-dale!
There have been lots of changes with the show, you have new actors taking over roles, new plots which can be hit or miss. There is a very select few couples who have been left alone to be happy. I guess if they were all happy the show would get boring. You have your nice, straight laced people then there are the villains, James Standbeck is one of those who never seems to die!
The show is to come to a close this September and I for one will miss these people! Who am I to eat lunch with now? When I heard the news I was heart sick, this show has been with me since forever! ATWT I will miss you,