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Opening page in one of my art journals.

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Art Journal

I don't remember exactly how I got into the whole process of working in my art journal but I am so glad I found my way there! I have not missed a day since the 1st of November, doing something, if only to write about the day. I have written in a journal for years but they did not include any type of art.
I deal with depression, was diagnosed with bi-polar back in my early thirties and have been on meds ever since. This process that I enjoy so very much is the best kind of meds for me, I know it works. I can be down, not in a good space in my head and when I get to my desk and just do something to get the color flowing, I get so lost and involved in that page, I totally forget how I was feeling when I first sat down. Think the word is flow, to get so into the process you loose track of time. Some days I feel like I'm in a rut but I keep trying one thing or another until it just starts to happen. When things just flow out of your soul and it ends up on that pages.
This past weekend we had company and I was ask to share some of my work with them. I was surprised and shocked by my first reaction, I did not anticipate this feeling of being exposed. I have to say it was not an easy thing to do, I felt like they could almost see into me. As they sat and looked making comments about each page, I lost some of the fear, but I realized that they were getting to see some of the inside of me and I guess I was not sure how they would react to it. I have done some pages where if I am hurting I get it on paper, if I feel lost or feeling invisible to loved ones, I get it out. At the same time, they may have seen me with new eyes, seeing a side that they had never truly come to terms with or wanted to deal with at all. They saw how vulnerable I can get in my every day life. It is part of who I am, some people just don't want to accept that or have this fear of the unknown. My sweet, sweet daughter is one of the happiest people I know, she has the nic-name "Sunshine" from that beautiful smile on her face all the time. She does not want to discuss what it's like to be depressed, it's not that she has not had things in her life to deal with that were sad or depressing, she has, but she just does not deal with depression herself, thank goodness. She has a hard time dealing with me and my lows, it's like she gets impatient with me. Same with my husband, Johnny, he does not know how to help me, there fore he just wants to pretend it does not exists. I get it, they don't know how to fix it, nor do I, but that does not make it go away, it is my constant companion.
The day that I accepted there are no mistakes in art, was one of the best days!!!! I felt free, the fear of the white page was gone, it is a process. One where you keep at it, work thru the uglies, keep challenging yourself, keep learning new ways of adding color to a page.
I am currently taking about 6 or 7 classes, each one different from the other, I am learning so much about art and myself it is mind blowing! Who knows what tomorrow will bring, as long as I can work with color I will keep trying.

Nap Time

Nap Time

The Black Sheep

The Black Sheep

Peacock

Peacock
This was done with a napkin

Flowers

Flowers

Am I Invisible

Am I Invisible

Poppies

Poppies
This was done with a napkin

For The Birds

For The Birds

Royal Pain

Royal Pain

Monday, December 5, 2011

Daily in my Art Journal

I am loving this daily ritual of working in my art journal, I get up thinking about what I will do that day. I started this on the 1st of November while taking a class instructed by Julie Balzer who is an amazing artist and teacher. I want to continue doing this, it is such a joy for me. Not only did I learn how to create these colorful backgrounds for the two page spread, but Julie also teaches you to just let it flow, there are no right or wrong ways to do any part of it, it is uniquely you, this has been as important to me as any other part of the class. It is so freeing to be able to do this knowing that there is no line you can't cross, if it pleases you then you have done what you needed to do. This is so important to me due to having heard most of my life that what I did was not right, I did it wrong, you hear that over and over and you begin to believe it. I know I did. But with this you get only positive reinforcement and I am loving it.

3 comments:

  1. Hi Kat,
    I say you name in the comment section in Body Restoration and just had to stop on by to say HI. I can see that we have a lot in common from your blog. I also love Julie and her daily emails. She is so talented and an amazing inspiration. I am excited to be on this journey with you.
    all the best,
    Eydie

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  2. I know what you mean about feeling exposed showing other people your art journal. I am very selective who I show mine to. Funny enough as I am willing to blog the pages but that seems less threatening somehow. One idea is to actually paperclip pages together that you don't wish to share. Or just show specific pages. Or just say "I would rather not, it is private.'
    I think your art journal pages are wonderful. I am excited to see what you make in Alternative Lives.

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