Divorce

Such a simple word, but when I think of this word it brings to mind anger, hurt, depression, broken promises, lost love, children that feel they did something to cause this, more hurt, more anger, feeling a hate to the point you question how you ever loved this person?  Wondering if they will come back and ask for forgiveness, that they made a mistake, hoping that they are as lonely as you are, as miserable as you.  A split between two that effects so many. 
When I went thru my divorce I was so afraid, how was I going to be able to take care of my children, esp due to the fact that I did not want to get out of bed in the morning, much less get up with a smile on my face.  What would I tell them when they had questions about what happened.  How could I when I did not understand it myself.  How does one just stop loving another? I had no job, a very small bit of college, I had not worked outside the home in so long, what was I capable of doing?  I lived in Chattanooga with no family or friends for the support, however, my sister would come at the drop of a hat if I needed her and in the end, she and Gary went thru this divorce with me, day by day.  They were my rock and a soft place to fall when I needed either.
There is no other way to say this other than God helped me with one word, just one and I went to the bible to see what I could find about the word.  The word was Lot, how do I know this, because Momma always told me, some times the Lord works with you or thru you by putting things in your mind.  When this happens you will know and it's up to you to do with it what you will.  There were days that went by and this word would not go away, it was there when I woke up and there when I went to bed.  I called Momma and Kaye both and talked to them about this, telling them there was only one thing that made sense to me and that was the story of Lot's wife, who was told not to look back but she did and turned into a pillar of salt.  Could that be it? It had to be, that day when I prayed I told God that I got his message, that I had to stop looking back, I had to look forward, move forward.  From that point on that is what I did and what a blessing it was for me.  The past is just that the past, to look forward is to look to the future and that is what I needed to do.
Joseph and Mandy are now separated and I have tried to help both, I understand what Mandy feels, I know how hard it is until you realize that your life has indeed changed and you need to get with the program.  I know how hard it is on Joseph not getting to see his daughters each and every day, I know he misses them.  There is a part of me who misses Mandy already, I truly love her as a person, have always enjoyed my time with her.  But she was not the best wife to my son, I tried to rationalize this by telling myself, it's his life not mine, if he is happy that is all that matters.  But he was only able to take it for so long and he finally left.  He called me two years ago and told me how he felt but he did not want to leave his girls.  He would call me every day for long periods of time just to have someone to talk with.  I admired him for staying there knowing how he truly felt, but there never seemed to be any let up from Mandy, he could do nothing right.  When he left it came as no surprise to me, but it left Mandy in shock.  She would call me and cry and beg me to make Joseph come back, just one more time.  I tried to talk to her I did more listening than anything because I knew she needed to talk.  I feel that I was as compassionate and understanding as I could be, at the same time making sure that I was loyal to Joseph.  Joseph would call me and thank me for being there for Mandy, that she was putting some of the things I had suggested to use and that he felt like they were working.
Then Sunday I missed a call from Mandy and I returned her call, this was the very first time I had called her since this whole thing started.  She was indifferent to me, said that I was the cause of this breakup and was I happy now, that if Joseph had been talking with her they would still be together.  Then she said that she was going to demand supervised visits for Joseph when he gets to see the girls due to his diabetes.  Yeah, that's about the time I lost it, I have my limits as well.  The only thing I addressed was the visitation, I did not get down and dirty like I wanted to do.  Ended up hanging up on her and then the phone rings again and it's Mandy's sister Robin, demanding that I not call Mandy any more.  Johnny took over then and told Robin that I had only called Mandy one time and she needed to stop talking to me the way she was.  When things had calmed down we talked about what was going on and were on the same page about how everyone feels about this.
I'm so sorry that Joseph is getting a divorce, I wish things could have been different for them, but it is what it is and I will try to be here for him, help him in any way I can.  I will miss Mandy, I already do, it's like a death only that person is still alive, you just don't have them in your lives any more.  Divorce is harder than death, death is final.
If you are one of the lucky one who has never gone thru a divorce you are blessed.