Welcome

Welcome
Opening page in one of my art journals.

Go Away

Go Away

Art Journal

I don't remember exactly how I got into the whole process of working in my art journal but I am so glad I found my way there! I have not missed a day since the 1st of November, doing something, if only to write about the day. I have written in a journal for years but they did not include any type of art.
I deal with depression, was diagnosed with bi-polar back in my early thirties and have been on meds ever since. This process that I enjoy so very much is the best kind of meds for me, I know it works. I can be down, not in a good space in my head and when I get to my desk and just do something to get the color flowing, I get so lost and involved in that page, I totally forget how I was feeling when I first sat down. Think the word is flow, to get so into the process you loose track of time. Some days I feel like I'm in a rut but I keep trying one thing or another until it just starts to happen. When things just flow out of your soul and it ends up on that pages.
This past weekend we had company and I was ask to share some of my work with them. I was surprised and shocked by my first reaction, I did not anticipate this feeling of being exposed. I have to say it was not an easy thing to do, I felt like they could almost see into me. As they sat and looked making comments about each page, I lost some of the fear, but I realized that they were getting to see some of the inside of me and I guess I was not sure how they would react to it. I have done some pages where if I am hurting I get it on paper, if I feel lost or feeling invisible to loved ones, I get it out. At the same time, they may have seen me with new eyes, seeing a side that they had never truly come to terms with or wanted to deal with at all. They saw how vulnerable I can get in my every day life. It is part of who I am, some people just don't want to accept that or have this fear of the unknown. My sweet, sweet daughter is one of the happiest people I know, she has the nic-name "Sunshine" from that beautiful smile on her face all the time. She does not want to discuss what it's like to be depressed, it's not that she has not had things in her life to deal with that were sad or depressing, she has, but she just does not deal with depression herself, thank goodness. She has a hard time dealing with me and my lows, it's like she gets impatient with me. Same with my husband, Johnny, he does not know how to help me, there fore he just wants to pretend it does not exists. I get it, they don't know how to fix it, nor do I, but that does not make it go away, it is my constant companion.
The day that I accepted there are no mistakes in art, was one of the best days!!!! I felt free, the fear of the white page was gone, it is a process. One where you keep at it, work thru the uglies, keep challenging yourself, keep learning new ways of adding color to a page.
I am currently taking about 6 or 7 classes, each one different from the other, I am learning so much about art and myself it is mind blowing! Who knows what tomorrow will bring, as long as I can work with color I will keep trying.

Nap Time

Nap Time

The Black Sheep

The Black Sheep

Peacock

Peacock
This was done with a napkin

Flowers

Flowers

Am I Invisible

Am I Invisible

Poppies

Poppies
This was done with a napkin

For The Birds

For The Birds

Royal Pain

Royal Pain

Wednesday, July 7, 2010

There's always a first time

There's always a first time for everything and I must admit not only this being new to me but I am a bit apprehensive about the whole thing. However I plan on giving it a try and see if this can some how take the place of writing in my journal. It sure would be easier for me all the way around. There are a lot of times when I want to get my thoughts out there and sitting down and taking the time to write just is not in the cards for me. Typing is much easier to do and to read! I do not expect to have words to inspire others, nor do I want to put something out there that would cause harm or hurt. These views/expressions are my own, there seems at times to be so much going on in my head, with no place to go. Have I just described a blog? I think so.
I hope that I do not become my worst critic, I seem to find fault with everything I do, it's just never good enough. Can you really fail at writing on a blog? If there is a way, I'm sure I will find it.
So with that in mind, I shall attempt to do this thing called blog.

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